"The Cancer"

Tomorrow marks one year since I've completed chemotherapy and radiation for vaginal cancer. This makes me a one year survivor... What does that mean to be a survivor? The radiation oncologist told me you are considered a survivor after five years. I argued with him at my last visit and said I considered myself a survivor on day one after treatment. I guess there are may answers to this question. What I do know is, it has been a difficult year. Cancer does not go peacefully into the night. I reread my last post, which was so full of hope and plans. Many if not all of those plans have been realized despite the setbacks "The Cancer" has thrown in my path. After a wondeful trip to England, my best friend lured me into another trip this time to Paris. We went to celebrate her recovery from an auto immune disorder and my recovery from "The Cancer". We saw all the sites and topped our trip off with a four hour Segway tour of the city. It was truly wonderful. Though I continued to push through at a remarkable pace I just was not prepared for the ongoing struggles that would accompany recovery. I engaged a wonderful psychiatric doctor who has helped me manage my anxiety about recurrance. She diagnosed me with PTSD, which shames me because having two loved ones who served in Iraq and Afghanistan I feel my anxiety in no way compares to their combat experiences. My new doctor assured me recurrance was unlikely with my prognosis, but that was not the case. I developed a new cancer site externally which required surgery just before Christmas. Again a sigh of relief only to be shattered by a phone call from the surgeon. He stated the pathology report reveal micro-invasion at the surgical site and this would require more extensive surgery. Early in January this was performed and to date that seems resolved. As a cancer survivor you never fully have peace of mind. It is always lurking around somewhere in your body. It is a disease of oppertunity, if your immune system is suppressed it will strike. It's like a terrorist. Yep the terriorist of diseases. You can shoot it (radiation), you can poisen it (chemo), you can even slice and dice it - but it can find it's way back. The one think you cannot let it do is kill your spirit. I still have lots of plans. There are weddings this summer, more trips planned, a house redecoration in progress, gardens full of weeds, summer evenings on the screened porch and long walks on the beach in Kennebunk. So - Cancer - I spit on you. M